Last week, I read an article about how Americans are fantasy house shopping with websites like realtor.com and zillow.com. My sister and I wondered what took everyone else so long to catch up. We've been doing it for years, swapping links of listings of both the really interesting and the deeply terrible. We are both fully aware of what it would cost to live near various relatives and tourist attractions, as well as what we would totally gut and redesign. It makes us feel like real estate barons, picking and choosing properties on a whim. Is that bathroom luxurious or tacky? Who actually needs that weird room off the living room? What is going on with that back yard? Did this guy have stock in gray marble? Holy crabcakes. Pfft. We have so much better taste than that.
We could open a store a mile from our grandmother's house for only a bit more than I paid for the California house. What could our store be? What merchandise would be interesting, but not so interesting that we are stiffly reminded by our mother that our grandmother is planning to visit (a-hem.)? We could run a six-apartment building in our hometown for about twenty thousand less than that. It has a sauna and three storefronts. It comes with a five stall garage! It's walking distance to all the antique shops downtown, and the fabulous library. Wonder if the Subway at that end of town still delivers?
We have no concept what we would do with these properties if we had them, but we look and discuss anyway. Would it be weird to buy houses right next to our brother? Would it be less weird if we told him before we did it, or do we just show up to the court date after we create gates in the mutual fences? Would our older sister forgive us if we just showed up and called her from Bucc-Ee's, or would we cement our status as those relatives? Or! We could get a house with an in-law cottage, and my sister could be the cool place for the girls to go! There's a summer camp for sale! It could be like Dirty Dancing, only Penny wouldn't have to have an illegal abortion, because we would we would be way more understanding than Mr. Kellerman.
I hope we're not the only ones who do this, because it's actually a lot of fun. It's a moment of living a different life without all the risk and heartbreak of starting over in a new town. We can tell ourselves that we would only move if the house had (a) a wraparound porch, (b) a large backyard, (c) a separate library, and (d) at least one secret passage. I'm still looking for that house, by the way. If it's a price we can afford, Fuzzy will understand the necessity of him finding a new job in some random small town in Minnesota. He says he will consider it if there will also be a painting that you can look through the eyes to spy on the people in your drawing room.
I am always abreast of what properties are available in my area. I can't afford to buy anything that I don't already have, real estate-wise, but I fantasize about winning the lottery and buying up a good portion of a block or two of a decent neighborhood. Then, I could invite my family and friends to live in my neighborhood. None of us would be affected by the rising rents of our area. There would always be someone nearby to have a cup of tea with, or to water your plants. Maybe we could have a book club, and I'd just text people when I make a batch of something my family won't eat, so others can pick up a bowl. I would set it up so everyone had the option to have their rent payments leading to home ownership. It would be fantastic. I guess I should start buying a ticket at some point.
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